Be Very, Very Quiet…I’m Hunting Faggots!

* A note: To all of you Readers whom may be offended by my title, please be sure that it will make sense in the end. As a gay, black man, I feel I have the right to use the “F” word.

CONFESSION:

I was on my way to a party, hosted by my ex-boyfriend’s best friend and her girlfriend. Why? Well, let me give the back-story:

My boyfriend and I had broken up a few weeks after our 1-year anniversary when he informed me that he wanted me to break up with him. Yes, you read that correctly. After 3 months of a hobbit-like state, my good friend, Rocio, pried my fingers away from my front door. We went out to a club and voila, I met a guy. He was from Boston, had attended Harvard, worked as an art therapist for handicapped children and was even a volleyball player; very unlike my clogging ex-boyfriend (I’ve sat through one of their clogging competitions and…yeah.). On all accounts the perfect rebound. His name was Travis Skylor Moore, later to be known as Boo, Trav, Sky and even Moorehead (that’s a different confession). Little did I know that I would fall head-over-heels for this guy. At the point of my Confession, we’d seen each other every day for a month and had become very close. Now back to the story:

I pulled up to the house and turned off my car’s engine. I thought I was hyperventilating, so I sat behind the wheel for a few minutes. I knew this was a bad idea, but how do you divorce yourself from friends you met through your ex? I really did like them and enjoyed hanging out with them. Obviously they felt the same way or I wouldn’t have been invited to the party. Knowing my ex-boyfriend would be there, I stepped out of my car and headed for the door. I pushed the alabastor-colored doorbell once and waited for a response. Within seconds, the door opened and I saw one of the party’s hostesses, Jessie.

“Hey! I’m so happy you came! Come in! You know where everything is!”

Jessie’s excitement at my arrival was matched by everyone else in the expanded, den area I stepped into. Everyone, that is, except my ex-boyfriend, Josh, who stood by the sliding glass doors to the pool completely expressionless.

“You know I had to come,” I said, fighting back the cracks in my voice from the lie I was telling. “I love you guys!” That part, at least was true.

“Well, make yourself a drink and join the party!” Jessie said as she walked away from the kitchen/bar and into the small crowd gathered in the den.

Now, a reasonable person would get out of a potentially dangerous situation as soon as possible, but me, I decided to ride it out for the long haul. I approached Josh with a drink in my hand and decided to create small talk.

“How are you?” I asked half-heartedly.

“Fine,” Josh replied with a note of hatred in his voice.

What was that? He’s the one who wanted to break up, not me. As anger began to boil inside of me, I was relieved to see my good friend, Rocio, there enjoying the festivities. She was always a riot to be around. As I walked towards Rocio, Katie, Jessie’s girlfriend, announced that we’d be playing Scattergories. I joined the group forming around the two hostesses when Josh pulled me by the arm into the hallway. ”I don’t wanna break up,” he said in his disguised, Southern drawl.

Honestly, I didn’t know what to say. I opened and closed my mouth a dozen or more times, but no sound came out. I still loved this guys, but he’d put me through a lot of crap that I just couldn’t forget. So, what did I do? I slept with him, of course.

It was in Jessie & Katie’s room to be exact. We (or at least I) hadn’t planned on it happening, it was just meant to be a private place to talk. One pet-name leads to a grope and…voila! Make-up sex is born. In our case, though, I knew I didn’t want to have him back. Afterwards, he asked about us moving in together and I hesitantly took a deep breath as I lay on the bed of ill-repute.

“We’re not getting back together, Josh,” I said in an almost whisper. “You betrayed me and that’s not something I can get over. I love you, but I have to not be with you for my sake. This was obviously the wrong answer for Josh’s Love Connection game going on in his mind because he went berserk.

The first thing I felt was a fist being pummeled into the right side of my face. As I rolled over on the bed from the unexpected blow, I felt the full of Josh’s weight on top of me, claws slashing, so to speak. I managed to flip him off of me and onto his back. I was pinning his arms down when I felt a size ten foot being pushed against my chest. I bellowed in pain and anger as the foot pushed me off of the bed and onto the floor. After regaining my composure and dignity, I managed to pin a crying Josh on the bed by straddling him and pinned his arms down.

“You have time to go fuck him, but you won’t come fuck me!” Josh screamed as he fought my grasp on his wrists. At this point, I knew that Josh was talking about Travis. Your “ex” always knows about the “new one” and Josh was no exception to that rule.

At that point, Rocio, Jessie and Katie burst into the room and pulled me off of Josh. There was a lot of yelling, but it was directed at both of us, not just me, the friend-by-association. In a strange way, this pleased me to the very core.

Josh and I were separated, him being by the pool outside the den’s sliding glass doors and me, sitting at the kitchen bar, drinking myself into a stupor. My fun, or lack thereof at this point, was interrupted by a knock at the front door. As Jessie strided towards it in full butch mode, I told her I’d get it. It would help he take my mind off of the latest events. She agreed and walked back outside to help her girlfriend calm Josh down and stop his blubbering. I opened the door and instantly lost all sense of speech. Travis was standing in the threshold of the door, partly illuminated by the exterior lighting and smiling from ear to ear.

“Surprise!” Travis exclaimed. I wasn’t sure I liked his surprise and its timing, but I tried to go along with it.

“What are you doing here? You don’t drink!” I said, trying to grab some purchase on the situation. It was not a great response, but he didn’t seem to notice.

“I know,” Travis said, “But I wanted to surprise you. This would have been the first day we hadn’t seen each other in over a month and I couldn’t have that!” Travis sidled past me into the house and began to look around. I was dumbstruck. It was true, he didn’t drink due to some alcoholism in his family and it was true that this would have been our first night not seeing each other. In retrospect, it was possibly the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me. At that point, though, I was sweating bullets.

“How about we get outta here? I asked Travis in an excited voice. “Let’s get some sushi?” I threw the last question in knowing that Asian cuisine was his favorite.

“Why?” Travis asked. “I just got here?” I steeled my nerves and spoke as clearly and vaguely as possible.

“We really need to leave and I’ll explain why later, I promise,” I explained. ”We can do anything you want, just away from here and only the two of us. WE NEED TO LEAVE RIGHT NOW!”

Travis looked at me strangely and then, evidently, realized that my persistance must have good reason and agreed to my wishes…reluctantly.

“What’s wrong, Boo?” Travis asked. “I was ready to have fun!” I managed to stop my insides from stirring at the sound of his pet name for me and came up with another vague answer.

“We just need to leave,” I said sharply. “I’ll explain when we’re in the car.”

Having no concern about my own car, knowing that it would be safe at Katie & Jessie’s, I climbed into the huge Tahoe that Travis was driving. As we started down the street, Travis couldn’t contain his curiosity and asked me the one important question. “What happened?”

In my head, I thought about lying, but after looking into his blue eyes, I knew I couldn’t. As we neared the end of the block, I finished up my story of the night’s events; the Cliff’s notes, if you will. My silence at the end of my story, however was met with more silence. I was expecting a, “Really?” or “No!” or even an “I knew it!” But all I got was absolute silence and the stopping of the car.

Travis put the Tahoe in park and jumped out of the driver’s seat onto the pavement below. He opened the back door and began digging around under the back driver’s seat. After about thirty seconds of ignorance, I finally asked, with a slight chuckle, ”What are you doing, Trav?”

“I’m gonna go kick his faggot ass!” Travis said as he found what he was looking for under the seat; tennis shoes. He changed out of his flip-flops to his new find and slammed the back door before stalking back towards the house.

At this juncture, I realized that I had limited options. Number one: I was alone in the passenger’s seat of a Chevy Tahoe in the middle of the street that desperately needed a driver. Number two: My ex-boyfriend was currently being hunted down by my quasi-new boyfriend. Number three: I had no freaking clue what to do.

I hopped out of the Tahoe, leaving it, yes, running in the middle of the street and darted towards the house I’d just left less than thirty minutes ago. Once inside, I was met by a gaggle of unintelligible yells and screams. Realizing where they cam from, I opened the sliding glass doors in the den and stepped outside to the pool. The vision I saw still keeps me laughing.

Travis was yelling obscenities as he chased Josh around the pool with Rocio, Jessie and Katie trying to stop him. The only understandable words I heard were those of Travis, repeating his oath of “kicking his faggot ass.” At some point, Travis even swatted Rocio, someone he truly loved being around and who he’d previously dubbed “The Fag-buster,” (the only female who could possibly turn a gay man straight) out-of-the-way so that he could have a clear path. At that point, I knew he was livid.

“Let me at his faggot ass! I’ll kill him!” Travis yelled as he tried to chase Josh around the pool through his human barriers. It was kind of sweet, if not horrifying. I was Maid Marian being protected by my Robin Hood…very “hood.”

Eventually, Travis was pushed back into the house and we were told to leave, as if we hadn’t planned on doing so anyway. Once back in the running Tahoe in the middle of the street, I asked Travis what made him do that.

“Nobody puts their hands on you and gets away with it!” he exclaimed. “I know you haven’t told me everything about what he’s done to you and you don’t have to. I know you two probably slept together tonight and that’s fine. It was just unfinished business. But, I’m not gonna stand for him abusing you while I’m around!”

I had nothing to say to Travis’s explanation. I mean, what could I say? I sat in silence the entire way back to his apartment at the beach where we watched a movie and ordered Chinese food. As we lay in his bed, very tired from the night’s events, I realized just how lucky I was. I knew I’d met someone special as he grabbed my hand and wrapped it around his waist, snuggling into me as we both drifted off to sleep.

LESSON:

Always keep a spare pair of comfortable shoes handy for those dicey situations. WHAT? Did you expect something about ending a relationship fully before starting a new one or that over-used CLOSURE idea? Not from me! The bottom line is that people make mistakes and do stupid things everyday. Relationships aren’t immune to that. We’ve all dated that person who we really have no idea why we ever gave them the time of day. The point is that WE DID! You never know what situation you may be thrust into because of a bad choice. The only thing you can rely on is your preparation: a good pair of fighting shoes and a good wit are always handy weapons.

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